Joseph Anthony Matter

            Today I want to share some of my insights on my Uncle Joe and the wonderful Matter family that he was a part of.
        First, the love of this family is truly remarkable. I always knew that this was a very special family; they got together to celebrate birthdays, holidays, Mother’s day, Father’s day, even the opening and closing Survivor TV show seasons. This is such a tight-knit family and as a child, I appreciated that so much. I have great memories of spending cold, February weekends at hotels with Uncle Joe, Uncle Matt and Aunt Jean, Aunt Lori & Ed, my parents (Herb & Theresa), cousins: Andrea, Amanda, Josh, Mike & Krista, playing in the pool, hanging out (probably giving the adults a much needed break). Those memories are priceless. I remember the family bonfires, camping adventures (some of which we may not want to remember), Fourth of July Celebrations up at Sonny and Sandy Dalbec’s cabin, picnics, birthday parties, and impromptu visits. This family can visit with each other, share stories together and simply enjoy each other’s company like no other family I know.
        It is these strong family ties that formed the man Joe was. He was a wonderful son and older brother to his siblings: Matthew, Theresa, Peg, Lori and Tim. And as a father, Joe truly excelled. The relationship Joe had with his daughters, Andrea & Amanda, was astounding. I think it would be the envy of most fathers and daughters.
        And through Joe’s diagnosis and treatments, the love the Matter family had has only grown and been further reinforced. The unending love, support this family has displayed is amazing. It actually takes my breath away. Whenever I was at my grandparents’ house over the last month, the love I could feel for Joe and for each other was so palpable. I could literally feel it on my chest. And that is the most amazing feeling of love I’ve ever experienced.
        I can remember many conversations with Joe growing up. One night I remember commenting to Joe about what an amazingly close family he had, and how lucky he was to have that, not to mention how lucky I was to be a part of it. He commented to me on how the relationships within the family were different, that he had different relationships with his sisters, than brothers, but that yes, he was lucky to have such a close family. And all the while we were on the topic, Joe had tears in his eyes. He knew how special their family bond was and continues to be.
        One of the things I loved the most about Joe, besides his love of speed and adventure, was his sensitivity and honesty with his emotions. It’s not often that you meet a man who isn’t afraid to tear up or cry. And Joe wasn’t. He was pure and genuine with his emotions, not needing to hide them. He told me once that he wore his emotions on his sleeve, and that always drew me in to him, probably because I’m the same way. But it’s much more rare, and I would argue precious, in a man. He was honest with his feelings, open with his emotions, and so willing to give love to those around him. Joe gave so many things to those around him: love, kindness, patience, not to mention humor. He was a fun man with a great sense of humor, which put others at ease.
        In addition to his love of family, Joe had many other interests and passions. His love of sports: basketball, softball, hunting, fishing, to his interests in music and motorcycles, which made Joe the well-rounded man he was. Joe was active in his daughters’ interests, volunteering for eight years as a youth basketball coach for Andrea, Amanda and their friends. He loved hunting with his family and friends, including his father and brothers, my brother Jerry, Terry Dalbec, Brian & Nick Melgren, and John Hertzog. Joe also had a great love of nature, and the beauty of the world around him, particularly when viewed from his motorcycle. All these interests made for a full life, and brought him great experiences and relationships.
        Joe was a loyal employee at Landscape Structures in Delano for 31 years, developing his own family of friends from there. Additionally Joe was a part of a motorcycle group, A.B.A.T.E. (American Bikers for Awareness, Training & Education), and they are another family to him. The kindness and support you have shown Joe and our family has been so appreciated; we cannot express that to all of you enough.
However, in addition to all these wonderful qualities that I’ve already mentioned Joe possessed, it wouldn’t be right to not mention his love of speed and adventure. It can’t be matched!
        In fact, at Christmas last year, Joe said to me that he had a “list” of things he wanted to accomplish and the second item on that list was skydiving. He asked if I’d go with him when he was done with his chemo treatments. I thought to myself “man, he asked the right girl”! I’d gone before, loved it and had been looking for another opportunity to go again, yet I knew this time it would be so much more special to be going with Joe. We found a date in late June to go, Joe picked me up on his motorcycle and we had a great ride, on a beautiful sunny afternoon that I will never forget. After we signed all the waivers and releases on our lives, neither one of us the least bit scared, and we loaded into a perfectly good airplane, attached ourselves to knowledgeable and safe tandem instructors and jumped out. I landed first, luckily, as I couldn’t wait to see Joe’s reaction when he landed. When he reached the ground, he had the biggest smile I’d ever seen on his face. He said it wasn’t as much of thrill as road-racing, but he said it was pretty close, and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. About a half hour later, Joe turned to me and said “Man, when is this smile going to come off my face?!!” and I can’t tell you how much that made me smile right back at him. That experience, that whole day with Joe, was so much more special than I could have ever imagined it would be, and it’s just a simple example of Joe’s love of life and determination to live it to the fullest.
        And today, here we are honoring this man that we love and who touched our lives in so many ways. We can’t understand why something as horrific as cancer has to strike anyone, let alone a strong, full-of-life man like Joe. And unfortunately, we may never know. But in trying to make sense of this loss, I think there are things we can reflect upon from Joe’s zest for life and some lessons we can learn from Joe and apply to our own lives.
        First and foremost, show and tell those you care about how much you love them. Joe was so good at this. Sometimes in life, we need a role model to show us how to do something. And I think Joe could be all of our role model for telling those we love how much they mean to us. Give lots of hugs and say “I love you”. You can never do this enough. Joe was proof of that.
        Second, spend time with your family and your friends and invest in those relationships. The turn out here last night and today, and the outpouring of love, support and well-wishes for Joe and the entire family over the last several months is proof of what wonderful relationships Joe built in his lifetime. The show of support from Joe’s ABATE friends has just amazed us all. We can all learn from Joe to spend time with those you care about to get to know them better and build meaningful relationships. Make time for deep, heart-to-heart conversations with those that are important to you.
        Additionally, Joe took advantage of opportunities to spend more time with his family and friends on special vacation trips. He took trips out to the east coast to see Andrea, trips out west, through the mountains with his friends and for my brother’s college graduation, and countless motorcycle trips with his wonderful circle of biker friends, and the Caribbean cruise with his fabulous daughters. All of those experiences with family and friends, whether a family birthday party, a holiday, or a once in a lifetime trip, contributed to the many wonderful memories we have of Joe. Those are the memories that we carry with us in life, so let us strive to seek out these experiences and make more memories of our own with our love ones. So as a lesson from Joe, plan the get-together with family or friends that you’ve been putting off, call the friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with, plan that trip dream trip or visit your loved ones who may live far away. Don’t put it off; time with loved ones is so precious, and we never know how limited.
        Third, explore new things, take risks, discover your passions and pursue them to the fullest extent, just like Joe did. You never know what new and interesting people you will meet along the way. Over the past few weeks, the wonderful friends that have come to visit Joe are amazing and a real testimony to the kind of person Joe was and the impact he made on other people’s lives. The stories we’ve heard about the friends he’s made from his motorcycle trips, just shows what amazing rewards you can have from exploring the world and taking risks to try to new things. You don’t need to race motorcycles or jump out of airplanes to take a risk; there are small, yet rewarding risks we can all take in our everyday life that can reap major rewards. Contacting a long lost family member or friend, telling someone you love them, or offering a hug to someone in need, may seem simple, but know that even the smallest risk you can take would be something that Joe would be proud of.
        And lastly, make the most of your life, the time you have here. I have a magnet on my refrigerator with a quote that says “you only live once, and if you work it right, once is enough”. I believe that this statement is so true and Joe was a role model for this. He loved life, those around him, and he lived it to the fullest extent. He had his passions and he pursued them. Although his life was cut short, he lived life to the fullest, to the end. Let us all learn from his life and find ways to enrich our own to make the most of the time we have here on Earth.

 Joseph Anthony Matter was born September 8, 1956 and passed away September 12, 2005.

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